Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Dang. My Shoulder Hurts.

Not a lot.  But enough to cause a few sleepless nights.  And not because it hurts so much I can't sleep.  Actually it's just an annoying ache.  The sleepless nights are a result of the annoying little voice in my head that says, "What if its more than an injury?"

Regarding the shoulder: I firmly believe that our bodies sends us messages. Interestingly, it is a new annoyance, and on the left side where I  had the trauma of a few breast cancer surgeries.  I have decided that instead of communicating back to this shoulder via fear, (which typically manifests as tightness and pain), I'm trying the acupuncture route.  Interestingly, a femur full of needles is highly relaxing and that hour on the acupuncturist's table is full of moments of breath and meditation on my part.  I have to wonder when I leave, is it the relaxation that dulls the pain, a powerful nerve signal from one quadrant of my body to another, or a combination of both?

Whatever the case may be it seems to be helping.  Again, I'm not entirely sure if its just acceptance or acupuncture but it does seem to be helping.

That said, I'm still scared sometimes. I can wrap my brain around the knowledge that fear doesn't serve me, but my heart doesn't always listen.  I'm not sure I can count on acupuncture or even my beloved yoga practice for completely eliminating that anxiety.

So what are my choices?  Two years post C- word (cancer for those of you who don't know me and may  have just stumbled onto my blog)  and I try to find moments in every day for reflection and gratitude.  It's a new practice and I have found it as meaningful and necessary in my life as my yoga practice and my family life.  Days without reflection leave me feeling irritable and unbalanced.  April and May were incredibly busy and there were too few of those gratitude moments.  June is here, we are days away from being summer island residents, and I'm am breathing a big sigh of thank God it's June breath.

My husband took the big kids to the cabin.  Envious that I could not join them, but today's gratitude moment was a text picture from him of tonight's sunset overlooking Lake Superior.  There are many of those in my near future and it almost makes me giddy with happiness just thinking about it. And in thinking about it, I notice my shoulder doesn't hurt. Hmmmmmm. 

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed the read Amy (as usual). It is so easy to feel disconnected and your post is a gentle reminder we are not alone in our struggles. Although I can't know what it feels like to endure surviving cancer, I can identify with that tug of conflict/anxiety. Perhaps in some odd twist of fate, there is a gift from it that reminds you to always see the good in others and the power of the present moment.

    I'm sad to say we wont be coming up to the island this year. :( The little-not-so-little-anymore guy talks often about our time up there.

    You are doing such a beautiful job with the family. Its bitter-sweet how quickly they grow. :) LY -Kak


Thanks for your comments!