It’s my 43rd birthday today and I must admit that
the few days prior didn’t have that same crescendo of anticipation that those
twenty-something birthdays did. Gone are
my party-girl birthdays. They say that
with age comes wisdom and it may also include a healthy dose of reflection
because reflective would be a great adjective to describe my recent moods. My party will probably consist of one good
glass of wine, my husband, and an inspirational sunset and I can’t think of
anything more lovely.
Looking at recent photos taken I have to admit that good
lighting is much more important than it was even 5 years ago. And yet, with those definitions of experience
etched across my face I must admit I feel a bit of pride in the earning of
those lines. I mean, I really really
earned them. Several big career changes,
marriage and four kids, a bout with crazy cancer, and finally the risks taken
to create the life I dreamed off still has me sometimes shaking in my five
finger shoes.
So, I feel 43. I am
strong from a consistent yoga practice but still see opportunity for
improvement and growth. And yet, I can finally
lower the volume of the egocentric voice in my head so much faster than I could
in my twenties. I would like to think
that with age comes wisdom, humility, and the ability to listen to the signals
of the brain and body, and more than ever an appreciation for the gifts of a
well-earned life.
Lessons learned:
1.
It takes
work to be present. Busy days, weeks,
and months can fly by without really living.
And I think there were years when I was so busy raising small kids that
every moment just melted together. I
know they had the chubby knuckles that I adored but how often did I stop to
sketch them before they morphed into the long slender fingers that dribble
basketballs and hold steering wheels.
Twenty- something year old Amy raising babies didn’t realize the
fleetingness of those moments. The 43
year old me takes more pictures, writes about more moments, and sometimes
absolutely refuses to hurry.
2.
Happy is
a lifestyle. It is easy to be mad at a
boss or discontented with the current economy.
But the brain is so powerful that a continuous focus on a negative
aspect of life can lead to a much stressed out existence. It’s easy to be sucked into a spiral of negative
thought patterns only to miss the beauty of the world around you. Yes, life is tough and can hand out some
pretty sour lemons. But it is the
courageous that choose to find calm among the chaos. For me, this is why I
choose yoga. A method of moving
meditation literally can transform this tightly wound yogini into a blissed-out
momma.
3.
Beauty is internal. I have surrounded myself with beautiful women
friends. But it has nothing to do with
the perfection of manicured hands or wrinkle free foreheads. Their eyes tell stories; they make me laugh
with their accounts of their children’s antics, take care of their health, and work
to facilitate a healthy community. I am
often struck by the beauty of the women in my life. They radiate.
4. Before cancer I never even considered
death. Being diagnosed forced me to
consider that I am and everyone is terminal.
It’s not a morbid thought really……it puts things in perspective when I
start to sweat the small stuff. I’m not
as obligated to be the perfect yoga teacher, wife, and even mother. In fact, I don’t think my kids would ever tell
you that I didn’t bake 100 cupcakes for a bake sale or sign them up for a
sports related activity each season. They
do notice when I’m stressed out because of the trickle down affect it has on my
family. When I’m in balance, my family
is in balance.
 |
| Blessings on my Birthday |
I have learned some good stuff. But this reflective blogger and yogini couldn’t move forward without understanding that there is still much to learn. And will these lessons be valuable or even similar at age 53? Probably not. But I still wish I could have shared these thoughts with 23 year old Amy. It would have saved her a lot of headaches.
