Yoga and Art.....in Words

Meeting a new group of women on a retreat never fails to surprise, delight, and excite me.  And often, especially the day after they leave I am pensive; reviewing in my mind what the retreat meant to me and what I think it meant for them.  Each retreat I lead leaves me feeling blessed that I can share this special place and it's magic with other women.  It also allows me to reach out to both experienced and beginner yoginis and offer my perspective of the practice.

This group was cohesive and engaging and introspective.  It was interesting to teach them yoga in an effort to open their heart center and to see that translate onto their papers in an art studio.  I realized how I share their craving to express myself creatively, but my right brain rests in the beauty of words on paper where theirs spilled onto the pages of art journals.  There is something really beautiful about watching a person create art.

The other aspect of joy came from seeing how Madeline Island inspired them.  I challenge anyone to come to this island and not feel a spark to his or her creative center.  Prior to hiking the State Park I mentioned to them that we would probably be walking for a good 6 to 7 miles.  However, I quickly learned that hiking with artists is a completely different process.  They lie under trees and shoot cameras up to capture their majesty.  They take pictures of clouds, rocks, wildflowers, and mushrooms. They pick up rocks and our nature to incorporate into their art.  We spent two and a half hours on a two-mile hike.

As always, wrapping up a retreat was bittersweet.  I was satisfyingly exhausted.  Despite Madeline having treated  "us to days of sunshine symbolically, the rain came down hard on the day they left. One of the women shared this sentiment,  "As the Ferry pulled away from Madeline Island I couldn't help but be reflective of the wonderful retreat and new group of friends I had made there. I also had to say goodbye to an Island I am growing to love more and more."

Thank you Lynnae Burns for guiding them on their art journey and Hannah Stonehouse Hudson for teaching them a new perspective in photography. Thank you Madeline Island School of the Arts for hosting the creative yoginis.

Yoga and Christianity

I flip-flopped a lot regarding the writing of this post.  I wrote it, edited, re-wrote it, threw it away, and then wrote it again.  It felt preachy, flakey, and insincere.  I worried about offending someone. And then about offending everyone.

In the end, the election stole more of my attention and I really felt for a while that considering the much bigger fish frying in our world the dilemma of Yoga and Christianity co-existing seemed nothing short of silly. But it kept gnawing at me. I kept jotting down notes, rewriting.....and editing.

In the end, I liked the piece enough to send it to one of my favorite health and wellness blogs MindBodyGreen.  I think others have done the topic better justice but I was pleasantly surprised that it spoke to a small audience.

In the end, my goal was to relieve a bit of angst in anyone who may feel unsure about the ability to believe in God and practice yoga.  I hope that my words were humble enough to open a thoughtful discussion as well as wise enough to interest someone looking for answers.

In my heart, I simply believe yoga is a good thing for everyone.

Here is the article : Can you be a Christian and a Yogi?

Your thoughts?

Sporting Pink Ribbons and Schlepping Yoga Mats

I recently wrote about the benefits of yoga for survivors on MindBodyGreen's blog.  Take a peek at it ~ it's awesome practical info on living your healthiest life.  You can share this story with your favorite survivor of any disease.  Hey, these yoga benefits apply to everyone!

                               

Almost everyone knows someone who has been impacted by this disease. At a Livestrong meeting the other day I was once again surprised at how the human spirit rallies when faced with incredible diversity.  As each survivor told her story, I was struck by their ability to even speak of some of the challenges they have faced.  Nothing puts life in perspective like sitting in a room full of people who understand the fragility of life (primarily their own).

My friend Meals had this and many other signs posted throughout The American Cancer  Walk in 2009.

Namaste, October yogis.

A Blissful Fall on Madeline Island

Melody's side crow on the rock

Apologies for the blog post leave of absence.  It's been two weeks since I left made a mark on this site and I blame it on the combination of back to school, a fall trip on Madeline Island celebrating our scholarship recipients, and just general mommy hoopla.  There has been little time to write.

That said, our last fall retreat was of deep significance in my life and I am still on cloud nine from sharing this experience with beloved friends both new and hold (reference to duration of friend time, not age!) I am sharing some of the highlights in pics.

Worth mentioning, this was the retreat that we shared with the three scholarship recipients from our Courage is Contagious Project.  The experience was bigger than we could have ever imagined and I'm looking forward to re-creating this annual event.  As the teacher I am quite sure these ladies taught me more than I could have ever taught them and I am grateful for the opportunity to have been their teacher and retreat leader.  A special thanks goes out to my rockstar friend 5 for Women magazine Jen who partnered with me on this project, Christy Wandrei from Yoga on the Rock and Kristin Polenz from Drammen Yoga, and The Inn on Madeline Island who helped to make our stay so incredible.

Namaste.

Winner, Winner, Vegan Dinner

Inspiration comes in many forms and recently it crossed my path (or computer) in a string of emails that sang out the praises of yoga.  I wasn't prepared for the depth of the comments so I was thrilled I had the wisdom of other yoga students who surround me to help make this call.


The contest called for the best comment to the question, " When did you realize that you were a true yogini?"  In retrospect I would have refrained from using the word best.  What I discovered was there was a comment that spoke to the majority of my team who read them.


The winner was Elizabeth from Prior Lake, MN (added bonus - very close to the new Athleta store opening in the Mall of America next week).  Her comment gave a glance at how she's uses yoga off the mat.  In her case, as a teacher working with middle school students, she shared her understanding of how breath work offsets test anxiety in her classroom.  When I emailed to find out where to send the gift cards, she wrote this: "Middle schoolers are growing and changing fast; they need to learn to manage stress and diffuse anxiety. A quick and easy way to do this is through the breath. My hope is that by teaching them breathing exercises in my class they can adapt to other situations in and out of school."


Thank you Elizabeth for teaching the benefits of yoga to a new generation and thanks to all who commented. In conclusion I have to share my favorite Rumi quote which seems to very applicable to all of the experiences that you shared with us: "Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

Namaste.

Dang. My Shoulder Hurts.

Not a lot.  But enough to cause a few sleepless nights.  And not because it hurts so much I can't sleep.  Actually it's just an annoying ache.  The sleepless nights are a result of the annoying little voice in my head that says, "What if its more than an injury?"

Regarding the shoulder: I firmly believe that our bodies sends us messages. Interestingly, it is a new annoyance, and on the left side where I  had the trauma of a few breast cancer surgeries.  I have decided that instead of communicating back to this shoulder via fear, (which typically manifests as tightness and pain), I'm trying the acupuncture route.  Interestingly, a femur full of needles is highly relaxing and that hour on the acupuncturist's table is full of moments of breath and meditation on my part.  I have to wonder when I leave, is it the relaxation that dulls the pain, a powerful nerve signal from one quadrant of my body to another, or a combination of both?

Whatever the case may be it seems to be helping.  Again, I'm not entirely sure if its just acceptance or acupuncture but it does seem to be helping.

That said, I'm still scared sometimes. I can wrap my brain around the knowledge that fear doesn't serve me, but my heart doesn't always listen.  I'm not sure I can count on acupuncture or even my beloved yoga practice for completely eliminating that anxiety.

So what are my choices?  Two years post C- word (cancer for those of you who don't know me and may  have just stumbled onto my blog)  and I try to find moments in every day for reflection and gratitude.  It's a new practice and I have found it as meaningful and necessary in my life as my yoga practice and my family life.  Days without reflection leave me feeling irritable and unbalanced.  April and May were incredibly busy and there were too few of those gratitude moments.  June is here, we are days away from being summer island residents, and I'm am breathing a big sigh of thank God it's June breath.

My husband took the big kids to the cabin.  Envious that I could not join them, but today's gratitude moment was a text picture from him of tonight's sunset overlooking Lake Superior.  There are many of those in my near future and it almost makes me giddy with happiness just thinking about it. And in thinking about it, I notice my shoulder doesn't hurt. Hmmmmmm. 

My Kick- Ass Community

Our good fortune is dependent upon the cooperation and contributions of others. Every aspect of our present well-being is due to hard work on the part of others. As we look around us at the buildings we live and work in, the roads we travel, the clothes we wear, or the food we eat, we have to acknowledge that all are provided by others. None of them would exist for us to enjoy and make use of were it not for the kindness of so many people unknown to us.

~The Dahli Lama

There have been so many signs in my universe lately about the power of community and the above quote was today’s tidbit on my Facebook newsfeed.  In fact I had been mulling over in my head for weeks now the writing of this post without actually putting pen to paper so I believe this post was more of a proverbial kick in the asana than anything else.

The end of May marks a huge transition time for me in both my personal and professional life.  As my children wrap up their school year, my husband completes up his year-end, and I wind down the daily yoga classes I teach during the school year in Eau Claire, WI.  We all pack up and move to Madeline Island where I teach and run a yoga retreat business for women yoginis and adventurers.  The busy-ness is overwhelming at times but as I bid a temporary farewell to my Eau Claire community, I am welcomed with open arms into the Madeline Island Community. 

The power of community wasn’t much of a consideration in my life before 2009.  Yes, I was aware of the blessings a close-knit family, kick –ass girlfriends, and even a great neighborhood bestowed upon my world, but a crazy cancer diagnosis multiplied the value a hundredth fold.  Suddenly, I had a constant stream of support from my regular posse plus, a medical community, church community, the yoga community, and people I had never met.  With every bad turn of events, the love and energy I received diminished the painful hit of the diagnosis.  I felt compelled to be strong, to kick cancer’s ass, and to utilize every ounce of strength afforded to me by the show of support.  Nothing makes you want to fight for your life more than the knowledge of your personal value in a community and what you mean to others as a wife, mother, teacher, and friend.

Then yoga came along.  I mean, it was there before, but now I have a deeper understanding of the practice, the ability to tap into the healing components of it, and the knowledge of an inter-connectedness with myself and the world around me.

 I’m not sure if I should credit cancer, yoga, my community or a combination of the three but more than ever life has significant purpose. There is clarity and calmness in the knowledge that all of us are responsible for more than only the betterment of our own children.  Every child’s life made better contributes to the community that mine will exist in.  It became a desire of mine to develop, write about, teach, and vote for issues that I truly believe impact all of us.

Speaking of community, I had the privilege to work with amazing photographer James Adams in Eau Claire this last week.  My friend and fellow yogini Kristin from Drammen Yoga joined me for some beautiful  yoga in Phoenix park.  You can find (and like) both of their local businesses on Facebook.  

Yoga and cancer

As a practicing yogini at the time of a cancer diagnosis I have written quite a bit about my experiences healing through yoga.  For me it became more than an opportunity to develop strength, it was an opportunity to find control in chaos and peace in the midst of a terribly challenging period in my life.  Now, I find joy in teaching others a way to experience that same connection with their body and mind.

Recently The Mesothelioma Center asked me to spread their wisdom on the  more updated information on the benefits of yoga for cancer patients.  Here is the guest post:

For thousands of years, people have practiced yoga to improve their physical and mental health. While healthy individuals often use yoga to boost their strength, flexibility and balance, mesothelioma patients can turn their practice into a form of treatment.

As unorthodox as it sounds, yoga is actually regarded as an alternative cancer therapy. A regular yoga practice can relieve both the physical symptoms and the emotional stress that mesothelioma patients experience.

Physical Benefits of Yoga for Cancer Patients

Hatha yoga classes provide the most physical benefits for mesothelioma patients. These classes offer some exercise but do not require a large amount of physical exertion. Poses done in Hatha yoga classes are less rigorous than poses done in more advanced styles of yoga, and the patient is free to settle into the pose for several minutes and reap the full physical benefits.

Yoga helps maintain strength and muscle tone at a time when cancer patients could easily lose their muscle mass. It can also help stimulate the appetite and improve a patient’s quality of sleep.

Yoga poses are designed to stimulate internal organs and open certain pathways. Certain poses can help open the chest and make it easier for mesothelioma patients to breathe. These poses include:

·         Cobra pose

·         Low lunge

·         Upward-facing dog

·         Extended side angle

Despite common thought, yogi practitioners do not need to get their feet behind their head to reap enjoy physical benefits. An Indian study revealed that even yogic relaxation exercises can improve appetite, sleep, bowel habits and feelings of peace and tranquility.

Mental Benefits of Yoga for Cancer Patients

Anxiety, depression and fear are common emotional symptoms of mesothelioma that a yoga practice can serve as an outlet for. Dhyana – the meditation-focused discipline of yoga – contributes to most of these benefits.

Carving out a space on the yoga mat to practice this meditation allows patients to clear their minds of their worries about their health. Even spending a short period of time meditating can provide these benefits - in one study, as little as 30 minutes of yoga was found to increase mental and physical alternates and relaxation.

Source: Bower, J, et al. "Yoga for Cancer Patients and Survivors." Cancer Control . 12.3 (2005) <http://oshit.info/pdf/Yoga/3.pdf>.

Author bio: Faith Franz is a writer for the Mesothelioma Center. She combines her interests in whole-body health and medical research to educate the mesothelioma community about the newest developments in cancer care.

Amy 1, Fear 0

Recently I wrote an article on my experiences as a breast cancer survivor for the Organization Living Beyond Breast Cancer. In it, I sang the praises of the healing components of yoga and the blessings I have reaped as both a teacher and a practitioner. 

I received many positive responses.  But one woman challenged me that women should not practice certain poses after a mastectomy. In particular she wrote of the risks of lymphedema that can occur in women who practice downward facing dog following a mastectomy.  Lympedema is chronic swelling of the arm in which lymph nodes were removed.  It can occur after the surgery or any time later. And I practice hundreds of downward facing dogs.

I really had to reflect on her concerns and her knowledge of the risks involved.  I am aware of the risk.  And yet, at the end of the day this yogi chooses to continue her practice. As a survivor I have to face the fear of  cancer returning.  I would prefer to live my life not fearing a small potential risk when the rewards I reap from my practice are so monumental.

My complete response to her concerns were recently posted on the Living Beyond Breast Cancer's Blog and you can click here to read it.
 
So the title of this blog post isn't 100% accurate.  Sometimes fear wins in my everyday life.  But this time, I decided I wasn't going to let fear rule my decision.  Yoga brings me joy and joy is a much nicer emotion.  In this instance that's the direction I'm headed.

New! Fall Yoga and Wellness Retreat

New! Fall Yoga and Wellness Retreat September 23rd-26th , 2012

This retreat is an opportunity for every woman to step away from the pressures of everyday life. Discover both a connection with nature and develop skills to stay in tune with a healthy life even after you leave the island.  In addition this retreat will be a celebration in the courage and strength of every woman. Some small details (stay tuned) are still under wrap but as those unfold it will just be vegan frosting on the cake. 

Rest and renew in this fall wellness retreat. Madeline Island is truly vibrant in the fall as the changing leaves glow against the background of the magnificent Lake Superior. This retreat will be a celebration of the spirit of woman as we honor The Courage is Contagious scholarship recipients as well as find ways of tapping into our own inner warrior. Besides developing a yoga practice we will focus on all things wellness including juicing, connecting to nature, hiking, biking, or kayaking (considering weather) , and journaling. By the end of the stay you can call yourself a connoisseur of courage. This retreat is all-inclusive and includes:


3 night stay at the Stunning Light keeper’s Lodge overlooking Lake Superior


Daily yoga


Delicious gourmet and organic meals.


Meditation and tips on how to develop your own meditation practice.


A guided hike through the magnificent State Park


A 30 minute massage


Expert discussions on the topics of health and wellness.


Return home feeling refreshed and renewed with a toolkit of information on how to continue experiencing your best life.




Luxe private room and bathroom overlooking Lake Superior: 1,585.00 per person

Shared room with 2 queen beds and shared bath 1,190.00 If you do not book with someone you know we will help you find a roommate.

More details on our website http://www.madelineislandyogaretreats.com or

email: amy@cleanspirityoga.com with questions.

Have Mat, Will Travel.



Happy place.



It is so interesting to me what leads people to the mat.  Many times it is a very broad reason such as finding some inner balance.  Often I will hear that they want to strengthen their core and relieve back pain.  One woman I know used yoga to cure a broken heart.  I myself, although a teacher for many years, assert that yoga did not present itself to me until I had received a cancer diagnosis at which time I immersed myself in it as a means of restoration. And to be completely honest, I am of the camp that believes it is completely OK to come to the mat with an intention of developing Madonna’s arms.

More recently, in planning my Yoga and Art retreat, I have become fascinated by the link between Yoga and creativity.  In essence I have always felt like there was inherently more room in my head to let the creative juices flow after a good yogic mind clearing took place. There is typically a generous amount of mumblings and rumblings from the daily grind of kids and career that seem to stuff my brain with too much mind chatter.  If I don’t take the time to renew, that “stuff” leads to many attempts to sit down and write, only to end up mindlessly grasping at literary straws…..and bad writing.

And speaking of bad writing, prior to yoga I was afraid to let go of any of the words I chose, fearful that putting myself out there would lead to criticism.  Yoga has redefined my sense of self and taught me to accept that I am always evolving.  Sometimes my writing isn’t great, but it’s mine and it’s me and I am finally at age 42 pretty comfortable in my skin (again, thank you yoga).

So, yoga has brought me here to a pretty good place.  But again, the beauty of the practice is that I will continue to absorb the many benefits.  More and more I use the philosophy on my kids, try to incorporate it into my life when I become impatient with my spouse, and yes, even to revel in the bit of knowledge that my own arms look a little more sinewy than they did in my twenties.  

I can't write this post without concluding that yoga amongst beautiful surroundings, surrounded by the sounds of waves and the smells of nature, is the finest.  I don't write this is an effort to promote the retreats on Madeline Island but to encourage all practitioners to find a surrounding that gives them peace and the best of the entire combination of senses.  It is a beautiful means of renewal and compliment to whatever brings you to the mat.    

Yoga Hurts

Ouch.  I’ll tell you what hurts.  Typing those two title words hurts. 

As a yoga business owner I devote many hours of my day to developing a suitable practice for my clients.  I also practice on the mat.  Rolling out my mat is sometimes what keeps me sane and balanced in my very busy world.  So, needless to say, this week’s focus on the dangers of yoga in the New York Times  stopped me dead in my Tadasana tracks.

Only temporarily.

I read the article quite a few times.  I tried to be appreciative of the information.  But again and again the injury examples caused me to raise an eyebrow.  They weren’t talking about someone practices yoga to gain strength, agility, balance, and emotional connectedness.  The article consistently referred to the extremists (who holds a pose for 50 minutes?), and the teachers who, driven by their ego, push their students past the point of safety. Mention was also made to the fact that urbanites can’t sit at a desk all day and then come to a class expecting to practice certain poses that can be considered advanced.  I’m sorry but ……Duh.

Another point not touched upon was the fact that any fitness activity (ignoring the observation that yoga is so much more than a fitness opportunity) is a risk.  Running, skiing, lifting weights……all have a risk of injury.  And yet, let’s take a moment and weigh the risk of injury of NOT exercising.

One other response:  there are thousands of articles (take a look here at one great one here) that promote the health (physical and mental) benefits of yoga.  There was no mention of that in The New York times.  And the number of reported yoga injuries considering the huge growth of the practice is still very minimal. 

I obviously did not love the article. Respectfully however I think it was a good reminder as a teacher to always emphasize the mindfulness of the practice, to observe ahimsa (non-violence to self, others, and through our intentions), and to just plain be observant in the class setting.  I may not be able to control a competitive personality that may want to push through a pose but I can thoughtfully encourage yogis to listen to the cues of their own bodies.  This article was a good reminder.

A Latte-Less Life

Hello. My name is Amy and I am a Starbucks addict. I wasn't fully functioning without that nice warm foamy drink in my grasp each early morning.  I still have a tendency to romance the drink, the smells, the happy warm snuggly thoughts that would ensue....geez.

But it finally happened.  After countless attempts (typically after New Years), I have tried to eliminate caffeine from my diet. I was never successful and it was usually the headaches that would do me in.  And then I would say to myself, "I do a lot of stuff right; everyone needs one little vice right?  Justification at it's worst.

It was the simplest trick that worked for me.  Someone told me to drink an 8oz glass of water right when I woke up.  It sounded like a good idea for the hydration benefits so I added that to my routine, such a creature of habit am I.  By the time I had finished my 8 oz, I wasn't scrambling for the coffee to quench my thirst and wake up my senses; the water was doing the trick.

So, I cut back to one, and then a half of one, .....and three weeks ago I gave it up all together.  I was almost panicky over teaching one of my 5:30 am Yoga for Runners classes without the ummpf that I would get  from my early am Joe but I surprisingly made it through.  And amazingly, felt good.  Yes, I did experience a few tired days.  I just continued to drink as much water as I could. And, it was really only a few days.

The thing I have noticed the most,  dare I say this,  but there seems to be an increased clarity in my focus throughout the day.  In addition, I am not absolutely drained by 6 pm at night (which also happens to be the time of the day when my kiddos seems to require the most energy).  Better sleep?  I kind of think so too.  And lastly, maybe its coincidence, but I kind of think my flexibility increased. I really do!   Just a bit, but some poses even feel different.  That one came to a total surprise to me but when I did a little research, there is quite a bit of health info on coffee impacting our flexibility.

So there it is.  I am really quite pleased with my new latte less life.  Starbucks sees a lot less of my green and I am for the first time in my life getting the recommended amount of water in my diet.  Kind of super cool.

I would love to know your thoughts out there friends.  And this doesn't mean I can't join you for a "coffee date" once in a while.  I'll just be there with my new friend, Mrs H20. Oh dear, I wonder if eliminating sugar is a possibility......

My Yoga Candy

One of our retreaters this summer described her experience as "yoga candy for her soul" and I loved that.  Wrapping up this last retreat I felt much like my heart savored a bit of that sweetness also.  It is a true blessing to love yoga as much as I do, and have the opportunity to teach it to others that share that passion.  Her are a few of my favorite highlights:

"Shootie" guides the kayakers on the finer points of paddling.

An experience with Stand Up Paddling (SUP) breaks through the fear barriers.



Challenging your balance takes on a whole new meaning on a dock.

Meditation on the shores of Madeline.



Settled In

Stress is a funny thing.  It manifests itself differently in so many people. Some hold their shoulders up at their ear, others stiffen up in their lower back, and some even collect stress in their hips (how many yoga masters have  sung the praises of pigeon pose as a release of emotional stress?).

Before the final big move to the island I was running the hamster wheel at a very speedy pace.  There was never enough time with my kids or husband, not to mention time for my personal yoga practice.   I could feel my own stress build up and I was a ticking yogini ready to blow. My stomach felt like I had a knot in it. Every time I tried to get a few good breaths of air in there was no breaking through that big ole stress ball.

We arrived last night to a pretty wet island that had suffered through a good ten days of bad weather.  It was cold and pretty dreary upon arrival.  But to the delight of my kids and myself, today was spectacular.  It was also a turning point as we all settled in  for the anticipated great summer months ahead. 

These days are the very happiest.  We played on the beach most of the day. As I was taking pics of the kids I did a mental body scan of my own and realized that my breath was long and even, my stomach soft, and my shoulders released. I swear it has something to do with the magic of Madeline Island.

Meditation for Type A's

Natural surroundings; the best meditation opportunity.

"Bring your thoughts into the present moment and focus on your breath."  Sounds simple, right?  But over the years both as a teacher and a practitioner I find meditation the most challenging part of my yoga practice. I've half expected that as I have aged (and become a much wiser yogini - ha!) that meditation would become easier.  Perhaps the mind chatter would soften and my practice would not be a continuous stream of thought on how to brush away the to-do list for just 5 minutes.  Hello brain, is five minutes really too much to ask for?


What is the matter with me?


I know the benefits of meditation.   Most notably is the reduction of stress and anxiety both of which lead to a myriad of health problems. For this reason alone I file away a minimum of ten minutes a day to devote to my practice.  But the time set aside never guarantees the quiet stillness of my mind.  It often eludes me.


Guided meditation is always a part of my class.  At first it was the most difficult thing to teach.  I would hear the rustling of students and it would almost strike fear in my heart. "They are bored" my brain would tell me,”you have lost them."  I would wrap up the class on the quick likely reversing any benefit my meditation guidance my teaching had afforded them.  So why is it second nature to lead a class of yogis in challenging vinyasas only to bomb guided meditation?


I have come to the conclusion that the cards of successful meditation are stacked against me.  The fact that the society that I (and you) live in that suggests self-worth is based mainly on the check list of accomplished tasks. I was raised by the hardworking parents and that is what I aspired to. We Midwesterners know the value of hard work, darn it!  The idea that there is value in quiet stillness (or to my parents doing nothing) was just not a principle that I was raised with.  Therefore, the inability to successfully meditate is a blend of my environment and my genetics.


That said, I will continue to try.  Especially since my fight with cancer, I tell myself to keep at it and find the peacefulness inside of me.


For whatever reason the time I can connect in meditation is on the island.  The beauty of Madeline is inspiring and it just feels easier to breathe. The sounds and smells of nature for whatever reason do not distract me, they guide me.....

What Cancer (and Yoga) have Taught Me.

This post was hard to write. And I've been putting it off for awhile.  It's been on my brain since August of 2010 when I reached my one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.  But when I sat down to write it then, the words did not come together at all, so I shelved it.  Over the last several months I've been stashing little bits and pieces of "what I've learned" in my notes.  When it did finally come together I liked it and I really liked how it made me to feel getting it down on paper, or in this day and age, down on laptop.

 I offered it to some yoginis whose writings I respect and was overjoyed when Chris Courtney from Elephant Journal offered me the opportunity to share. Love the EJ and am still pinching myself.

Soooooo, you can read here or visit the Elephant: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/01/what-cancer-taught-me--via-amy-annis/

Either way....thanks for reading!

What Cancer taught me:

I'll start off with the lightest lesson:

  Hair is Optional: Insert tongue in cheek.  Loosing hair through chemo was rough....not going to lie.  The initial idea of loosing something that defines your femininity was worse then the hair falling out itself. It was even rougher on my kids who weren't at all used to seeing their very active mother look ill. In fact, when I told them I had cancer they cried but when our 13 year old asked me if I would lose my hair and the answer was yes, the room turned into complete chaos.  It never occurred to my husband or I that the visual of a bald mother was much more devastating then the difficult to even comprehend word, cancer.  After it completely fell out (about 3 treatments into the process) it became much more acceptable.  Friends and family sent me the greatest hats and dare I say that I rocked them.  As it began to grow back last spring, I decided to match my new hair with my cancer ass kicking attitude and dyed it platinum.  Never (in a million years) would have done that pre-cancer but again this was the new Amy.

It's OK to say No



Oprah tells us it's OK and even writes on how to do it with etiquette.  But I was the mom that needed to wear the "stop me before I volunteer again" button on her jacket.  Not that I loved baking four dozen perfectly frosted cupcakes for the schools big event tomorrow but I was way too concerned with being the supermom, admittedly sometimes for appearances sake.  The irony of overextending myself during the day and then not having time or energy to engage with my kids (without being crabby) was not lost on me.  Internally I knew it was crazy, but nonetheless would get sucked up again the following week.

The year I was sick was a  free pass from volunteering.  I rested during the day and then would take special delight in small simple activities with them when they came home from school.  It was a hard lesson learned and I will still volunteer occasionally but I don't have any guilt when I say no.  I honestly believe my kids are a little better of because of it.

At 41, I still Need My Mom

I'm pretty sure that my recovery process was expedited by having both my mom and my mother-in-law take over many of the responsibilities of raising my four kids while I was sick. They cooked, drove, cleaned, and helped with homework.  Most importantly they buffered the emotional hit that my kids dealt with during pretty influential years of their lives.  It was unbelievable to me that at 64, my mother could still be up at 6 am driving them to school and helping me throughout the day and then be actively helping them with homework sometimes til 10:00 at night while I was sick. I'm sure it was very painful for her but she never complained.

Be Present



Yoga taught me this but cancer shoved it down my throat.  I didn't practice mindful presence when I was going through treatment because I was very focused on moving through the  process and looking forward to the road ahead.  But now, more than ever,  I allow myself to appreciate the present moment.  Yoga teaches us that all that really exists is this moment we are in.  So I enjoy it more and relish time with friends and family.  Pre-cancer I was cocky about my health.  I was an organic-eating, non-smoking, yoga teacher for God sakes.  A 40 year routine mammogram turned my life upside down in the matter of five hours and although I will always gravitate towards the healthy lifestyle that I promote and love, I will never be cocky about it again.

Do What you Love; Love what you Do



Sorry for the cliche but this was Cancer's greatest lesson.  I adore yoga and working with students but as a risk adverse individual was afraid to turn my passion into my own business.  Now, every day I am not only doing what I love the most but sharing it with friends both new and old.  My favorite quote is by Go Daddy's CEO Bob Parsons, ""You come up with something you think will work, then you put everything you have into it." That motivation, along with support and gentle nudging by my peeps led me to develop the Madeline Island Yoga Retreats concept. 

I'm not much of a television watcher but recently began the first season of The Big C.  The main character's cancer diagnosis leads her to re-evaluate her life and make the very most of what's left of it.  So many of her actions, although sometimes selfish, made sense to me. I swear I had many of the same thoughts she expresses on the show.  It is surreal. The show has just been renewed for a second season.



So there it is.....always feels good to write something down. I went to a yoga training in Minneapolis with yoga teacher Rod Stryker last Sunday and was most touched by his comment on dealing with change. He said,  "Anybody can accept good change, it is the individuals who walk through bad change with grace that inspire me the most."  I'm going to remember that one for a long time. BTW,   I blogged throughout my cancer journey on Big Sky Yoga Retreats site (special note: also an excellent yoga retreat destination).